Making My Way Back

My last post was a rather emotional one. Sorry for that! It was a rough time and a period I'd rather not repeat, but what a difference a month can make. I took some time off work, rested and let my body heal. Amazing what doing nothing can do for your body, mind and soul! I needed that time to physically recover but also mentally recover and let my mind process everything that had happened. I'll be honest, after 2 months of physical pain and emotional stress and no sign of reprieve I was spent. The doctors told me i could not run again until I was pain free and I got seriously depressed. The pain meds didn't work, PT was not giving the results I'd expected and the memories were still so close and real from that infamous day. My running aspirations I thought shattered, and after all the hard work losing 100+ pounds and I felt it was just slipping away and I had no control. I was broken, afraid and in very unfamiliar territory. I would cry and pray to be healed and to run again.

Then one Sunday afternoon a few weeks ago, after a bad two days of pain, in my tears and brokenness I felt God speaking to me. I could feel Him saying to me, "Sarah you've got give up the control here and be content with the here and now regardless of when and if you run again." I believe and know that God was teaching me to find peace and depend fully on Him for true spiritual, physical and emotional healing. I was so overtaken by the void from not running, the mental trauma of being hit and the steadily rising number on the scale that I was missing out on some incredible lessons God was wanting to teach me. As a runner and a former very obese young woman, it was so easy before and especially after this accident to make the scale and what I saw in the mirror an obsession. Anyone who has been successful in a significant weight loss will tell you how difficult it can be to keep it off and maintain all the hard work. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But for me, it became too important.

I surrendered that stronghold to God that day and I prayed for true healing with or without running and I was ok with it.

Within two days, I was pain free. I was off all medication with the exception of one long term one that has worked amazingly for me. I've had no dreams of the accident, have been without my cane for 3 weeks and only by the greatness of God, I ran a mile pain free a couple days ago! All doctor approved of course.

I'm taking it one day at a time and will listen to my body and progress as it continues to heal. I love to run, God allowed me to have that to get me healthy a few years ago and I believe he wants me running again. But I believe true healing would have never occurred had I not listened to God's voice that Sunday afternoon. He has carried me these past 12 weeks through some of the darkest days I've known. He is real, His love is real and I owe this miraculous transformation the past few weeks all to Him.

I've learned so much since October 14th but one thing I'll never forget is this...You can be a 00 or a size 18, I've been both and everything in between. And I can honestly say, true beauty lies in the love you give, in being humble and truly seeking after Jesus. No pant size, number of miles run or bikini body will bring true contentment. It's not about skinny, I believe more than ever you've got to value yourself and take care of the body God has given you. Strive for healthy and strong, and pray about it. God will give you the strength as he did me years ago and as he continues to do every day.

I praise God for renewed strength and pray I'll be used to encourage others in becoming healthy through exercise and eating right. No matter what path or diet you choose, choose health first. Do what will work for the long haul and make a real lifestyle change. Believe in yourself and leave the rest to God. He wants to be your cheerleader! And as I always say, never ever give up :)